Now that I am safely divorced and apart from my narcissist, I feel more invigorated by the day. I am on a path of discovery that I couldn’t comprehend one year ago. It is somewhat true what they say about “time healing all wounds.” Although time does help, it does not heal if you do not look within yourself to discover how deep your wounds have been inflicted.
It was shocking when I put some time and distance between the painful experiences I endured to recognize just how miserable and controlled I was living day to day. I was not living, I was merely surviving at best. I was incredibly altered when I married that man. Every day was a torment. He never asked me how I was sincerely, nor did he care. I had to repeat myself like a parrot because he never listened to what I had to say, unless he realized that he could save it up and twist it somehow to use against me later. A narcissist has no interest in you or anything you care about, because all their minds can wrap around is their own. They have no capacity to truly love, they are merely an empty shell of a human being.
Now that I am done with that part of my life, I have been focusing on my wants and my needs for the first time in almost a decade and it feels so wonderful! I hardly ever think of him, unless it is to remember he is calling to talk to the kids. I don’t waste my thoughts on him if I can help it, he does not control me anymore. But it is interesting how his abuse can still haunt me over the simple things I do now.
When I find my mind jumping to a moment where he would abuse me in the past, I experience a great wave of appreciation that I don’t have to endure it anymore. It hits me like a jolt, then I try to push it to the side and move on. I used to hate when these moments jostled me, however, now I take a second to be grateful for them because I no longer have to live under his rule. These moments solidify my fortitude.
I almost relish it when he tries to upset me know, because I just laugh and shake it off. He has lost his power over me and he knows it. He has not tried to upset me as much either because he knows he doesn’t have the same effect on me that he used to. One time at the pick up of the kids, he was talking to me about something that upset him and I looked at him and casually threw my head back and laughed. He looked at me stunned and confused. I wish I could have taken a picture of his reaction because it was priceless.
What I am trying to say is that the longer you are away from your narcissist and go “no contact” as much as possible, the better you will begin to feel. As the days and moments slowly pass after you have left, only then can the wounds finally have a real chance to start the healing process. With this distance, you will be able to look deep into yourself and figure out what parts are missing and what parts you need to repair. With time, you will get to the point where the narcissist’s actions annoy you rather than upset you. You will be annoyed that you didn’t see through his or her antics sooner, you will become irritated that you used to let it bother you so much in the past. When you get to this point, you will realize how much stronger you are now. It is a wonderful and powerful place to be! This is YOUR time, relish it!
4 thoughts on “Realizing You Have Become Stronger After Enduring Narcissist Abuse…”
So happy for you….how long did it take him to move on? We are going on 5 years and a return to court. As you said, it does make us stronger!
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Thank you! Well, to answer your question, he moved on quickly. I left him on May 10th last year, within 1 month, he had a Ukranian girl who is 20 years younger than him move in, supposedly as a “nanny” for the kids when he had visitation two weekends a month. She became pregnant a few months later. I guess he is married to her now, although he wont tell me. He even refuses to let me talk to her at the drop offs for the children and I cannot even call my children when they are with him, unless it is on his cell phone because he is so controlling and scared to death that she will learn the truth about him from me. But I did saw a wedding ring on her finger. She is now due to have their child in a few weeks. Nice! Typical narcissist. Haha! Anyways, I am sorry that you are having to return to court. I may have to do that in the near future too. Every day I wake up so thankful that I am away from him. Stay strong! 🙂
While I certainly have become stronger, a year later, recovery is ongoing. My emotional centers are burned out. I’m doing quite well, overall, but doubt I still have the capacity to feel love or to truly trust another human being. Maybe that will still come with time…
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