Narcissists treat you like a child

When I was a little girl, I remember thinking that “I cannot wait until I grow up because then I can make my own decisions without always being told what to do!” Well, now that I am a woman in my mid thirties, you would think I had been living the childhood dream of ultimate freedom. However, up until one year ago, I was not. I finally put my finger on it! My narcissist treated me like a child at all times. He continuously questioned my choices, making me overly cautious and dependent upon his opinions. I felt like he knew better, not just because he persistently said that he did, but also because I was always wrong in his eyes. When narcissists continuously abuse you to think that you cannot even make the smallest decisions without their input, your confidence and sense of self is stripped away and your inner voice becomes childlike.

When I was married to my narcissist, I lived in a state of constant frustration. I was frustrated at not being heard, I was frustrated at never being right, I was frustrated that I could not make a normal, healthy choice about my life without his “permission.” He had overwhelming control over every aspect of my life. I even had to ask him for his consent to visit my parents, or go to the store, or even to the bathroom. If I didn’t, and I started to walk out of the room, he would shout at me “Where are you going Mommy?” Then I would get irritated after being so micromanaged in every instance that I wanted to scream!

The reason that the narcissist treats you like a child is because s/he is threatened by you. You outshine them in every way and they know it deep down because narcissists have low self esteem despite the fact that most display an overabundance of confidence. It is just for show. The narcissist chose you to be their victim because they thought that you were a valuable asset to their image. They were so impressed by your amazing qualities, they wanted to capture you and bottle you up in order to keep you all to themselves. Then they chip away at all those qualities that drew them to you in the first place because they are intimidated by you. You are their property now.

Looking back, I still remember the sick, sinking feeling I endured when I knew my narcissist was displeased with me. Which was a daily occurrence. I felt like a child who was in trouble with it’s parent and was awaiting the punishment that was sure to follow. I wouldn’t treat my own two children like he treated me, I respect and trust my children and love them for the wonderful individuals that they are. That is how love should be, unwavering and forgiving. It is sad but true, if you are involved in a toxic narcissistic relationship, get out! They will suffocate your soul and reduce you to a fraction of yourself.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today was a landmark moment for me because one year ago, I filed for divorce and packed up my life and left my narcissist husband!  Looking back on that day,  I can vividly remember how devastated and scared I felt to start the process of finally leaving him.  I felt that my life was over.  I was scared of how he would react… I was scared of the unknown.  I was so afraid of failure and hesitant to be confident in my decision at that time.  I remember feeling ashamed to sneak away from him like I did, but kept reminding myself that I had no choice.  He was not capable of change, he was intimidating, dominating and not to be challenged at any time.  Any fight that would take place, I would have no chance to win on my own.  I am so thankful for my family and dear friends who stood beside me and listened to my endless worries and always encouraged me and reassured me that I was making the best decision for my safety, sanity and for my children.

I am so grateful that I made the decision to leave my narcissist when I did because now, in the span of just one year, my life has become so full of love, hope and happiness!!!  I have a job I really enjoy and I work alongside amazing people who make each day worthwhile, that I proudly call my friends.  My children love their new school and are settling in to their new routine.  They also get to spend quality time with their grandparents and Uncle, where before,  they hardly had any contact.  I just signed my construction loan to start building my home!  I cannot believe how life has come together in this short period of time, but it goes to show that just when you feel that your life has come to an end,  it is just the beginning of another one.  Have faith in yourself, be strong and never surrender to your narcissist.  They are out to destroy you and only will achieve that if you let them!