Being Over-Protective is a way to Control and is a Big Sign of a Narcissistic Partner.

In a relationship it is inevitable that you will find yourself questioning the other person’s intentions at some point or another. And if you are involved with a narcissist, you certainly will on countless issues. In the beginning of my relationship, I often found myself wondering if he really cared about my safety or if he was really just paranoid and mistrustful of me? For instance, my husband wouldn’t let me get the door for the UPS or mailman if he wasn’t home. If we were staying in a hotel, he wouldn’t let me walk down to the hotel lobby by myself. He wanted to escort me to my car, or to a certain building for work if he was available, etc. He masked his concern as “loving” and “for my safety.” However, I begin to wonder if it could be something else.

I used to think that it was cute that he seemed to worry about my safety so much. But looking back from a safe distance, I can now easily see that it was all about control. He needed to know my exact whereabouts at all times. He made constant calls and inundated me with texts veiled as “just saying hi” or “I am just making sure you are ok.”

This “concern” is merely a ruse for the narcissist to keep you on a short leash. Narcissists are extremely suspicious and jealous of anyone who you spend time with. Yes, even your own family! If you work outside the house, they are suspicious of your co-workers. If you are gone too long at a hair appointment, they may accuse you of meeting someone at the salon. If you take too long at the grocery store, they bombard you with questions and act like you are guilty of something.

The bottom line, the narcissist suspects the worst from you even if you have never given them any cause to worry. Therefore, you find yourself walking on eggshells trying extra hard to reassure them that they are “the most important person in your life.” All I know is that I am a fiercely loyal individual, I have never even thought of betraying my partner. I am not a suspicious person. I had never even considered the grim possibility (until now) that he may have cheated on me, despite the fact that he was the one who had ample opportunity. Please be aware that true, selfless, trusting individuals are the types of people that narcissists latch onto and suck the life out of, like a leach. The narcissist then isolates you far away from family and friends and you begin to feel like you are a caged bird, held within walls higher than you can ever see over.

It has taken me a lot of time to learn about the incurable mental illness called Narcissist Personality Disorder. The more I discover, the more everything else makes sense. My ex’s extreme and groundless suspicions about me says a lot about his character, and loyalty and mental disorder. He projects his awful, despicable thoughts outward onto me as if I was guilty of his very thoughts or actions. Thus, I have deduced that 9 times out of 10, the person who is cheating is the one who accuses the other of adultery.

If you find that your partner is being “overly protective” and “controlling” watch out. A narcissist may be lurking underneath.

Narcissists Create a Parallel Paranoid Universe to Supplement their Pathetic Existence

In the doomed relationship with my narcissist, I noticed that I couldn’t help but feel like I was stuck living in a made-up fantasy world of his own creation. But that was before I learned about narcissistic personality disorder, I had no idea at that time that narcissists straddle two different worlds. First, there is the “real world” and then there is “his world.” But I learned quickly that I could not remind him of the “real world” or else he would claim that I was just like “everyone else” who were conspiring against him. (Yes, it was as crazy as that sounds!)

My narcissist husband honestly believed that the world outside of our “family” was full of people out to get him by being “passive aggressive” or through outright attempts to destroy our “happiness.” (For example: He would say that his problems at work were the fault of other people or co-workers.) He would blame his parents for “causing trouble” for him or his work because he believed they were in co-hoots with his ex-wife, and many times he would even cast the blame directly at my parents. I would be so upset that he would feel that way that it would make me sick to my stomach. I could not believe that he could blame my amazingly supportive parents of ever trying to cause trouble for him at his workplace. They don’t even know his co-workers, they lived in another state for God’s sake! Nonetheless, he tried very hard to get me to buy into that delusion that all of his problems were the cause of other people who were dead set to see him unhappy.

Looking back, it was as if he created this parallel universe in which he played the omnipotent victim. He wove a web of deceit that would make him seem like the lord of his kingdom. He seemed so smug about other people and would even proclaim to have a superior knowledge of how to get people on his side. He always felt that he knew people better than they knew themselves. I thought that strange because he never knew what I was thinking, he seemed clueless. I would refer to him “Captain Oblivious” privately to my parents. In yet, he acted like he had an insider knowledge of how the outside world worked. He referenced a book called “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. He would tell me that I needed to read it if I ever wanted to get people to do what I wanted. I thought that a really strange comment. I never had problems making friends in the past and I did not use them as minions to do things for me.

He did not even have any friends other than two college buddies that lived across the country that he only saw once a year. I was not impressed with them either. One was a crazy Russian doctor who would fly across the ocean to bring back a series of young girlfriends who were only interested in getting a green card. Enough said. Perhaps he is the one who encouraged my ex to get a 25 year old Ukrainian “au pair” to live with him and take care of the kids on the two weekends a month that he does see them.

Now that I have left my narcissist, I have happily reentered the “real world.” It was smothering to live in his carefully crafted world that centered around him and his warped beliefs and entitlements. If you feel like you are stuck between two worlds while in your relationship, be careful! You are being dragged into the dark, dank, delusional hell of the narcissist where nothing makes sense. Gather up your strength, get someone who will listen to you and run to the light!  The sooner you plan you escape, the better.